12 Weeks! First Trimester WIN!

Well, today marks the end of the first trimester.

12 WEEKS, YO!!

And let me tell you, I couldn't be more ready for this G-D trimester to be over. Hopefully, today also marks the end of the vomiting, the fatigue, the nausea, the cramping, the bloating, the mood swings, and the general discomfort of being newly pregnant.

Dear First Trimester,

While you were exciting to have around (and I'm certainly glad you managed to show up, after keeping us waiting for 2 years), it turns out...and I'll try to put this delicately...

You suck.

Big time.

Thanks for stopping by, and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Sincerely,

A not-so-much fan

Of course, to celebrate this momentous occasion, I brought some goodies, in the form of pictures (because despite the amazing advances in technology, they still haven't found a way to transport cake over the interwebz)

First, the Belly Shot:

To the general public...yes, I still just look fat (or "like everyone else in the world, you freak" according to my sister). But to me, I look beyond pregnant. ESPECIALLY after I've had a day of meals in me. But as I've mentioned before, I'm a big fan of the belly, so it's all good.

Also, the ultrasound pics. This first one is a gem - face forward, arms in the air.

Look closely, and I think you'll see we figured out which twin is the evil one:

FRIGHTENING, no?

And the money shot...a pic of something that more or less resembles a baby instead of an alien or a puddle of goo. Sweet.

Of course, it's upside down, because these kids DO have my DNA, after all.
Yellow school bus, here we come! (kidding...KIDDING)

To be finished with the first trimester is also bittersweet, because I'll be moving from my Reproductive Endocrinologist's office to a regular OB. It's weird. Kind of like a cancer patient leaving treatent. You're happy to be going, but at the same time, you've been going to the same office for so long, sometimes on a daily basis, that you've gotten to know the people there. It'll be weird not to see the staff at DVIF&G. Good...but weird.

So that rounds up the first trimester. We laughed. We cried. We vomited profusely. But more importantly...we survived. All 3 of us. (Oh yeah, Brian's good too).

So bring on the second trimester. I'm ready for whatever it has in store.
Just please...no more vomiting.

11 Weeks! Almost There!

Today, I hit the 11 week mark.

One more week 'till I'm out of the first trimester!!!!

Of course, according to my belly, I look more like 15 weeks. Observe:

*Pay no mine to the icky mosquito bites and see-thru jammies - it's been a hot end of April.*

The belly has really been making an appearance this week. Now, ANYONE who knows me can see that I'm pregnant if I'm wearing anything lighter than a sweatshirt. And I'm not gonna lie, I LOVE looking pregnant

...even if I just look "fat" to strangers.

And if I'm not mistaken, I think I'm starting to feel better. I only take Zofran once every couple of days now, although I still take my nighttime nausea pill.

anti-nausea + sleep aid = happy Lily.

I also taught 2 horseback riding lessons in the hot sun yesterday and didn't feel like death warmed over afterwards, so I'm guessing thats a good sign that my energy is level back up. But then again, I DID sleep 11 hours last night...so maybe not.

Whatever.

The important thing is that the babies are still healthy. Today, they're the size of a fig (about 2 inches long each) and are moving up a storm....According to the interwebz.
(I don't feel a thing except an increadible urge to eat an entire box of Cap'in Crunch cereal).
They have hands that are opening and closing, ears that are in position, and bones that are starting to harden up.
...which is a good thing, considering Milo's Operation Squish The Twins campaign. They're gonna NEED those bones.

So one more week and then it's Goodbye first trimester (don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out).

BRING IT!!

Easter Announcement

Well, the cat's officially out of the bag.

After announcing our pregnancy to the remaining members of Brian's fam over Easter, and making the quintessential Facebook post this morning (because nothing is true until you read it on facebook), I'd say we are now officially, publicly, pregnant.

It's thrilling.

I can't tell you how long I've waited for this moment. The years I spent reading other people's announcements and getting baby shower invitations in the mail, all the while choking back tears because I was convinced that I would never, ever be pregnant. The anger I felt towards these people - my friends - and the guilt that followed because I should be happy for them and I just couldn't be.

So to be at this point - proudly showing off my little belly with a smile (and a slice of pie in my hand) - is like a dream come true.

I can't stop grinning.

And I can't stop being SO THANKFUL for these gifts I've been given (although if you ask me, I've earned these suckers).

I'm not a religious person - too much of a scientist to believe that an omnipresent personality chooses my path through life. But these babies give me a feeling of oneness with the universe. They help me to step outside of my life and see the bigger picture. They make it less about me and more about them, which is a good thing, I think. After 29 years, I'm ready for it to be about someone else.

So hurrah for bellies and hurrah for twins.

It's going to be a WONDEFUL year and an even more WONDERFUL life from here on out!!

10 Weeks...A Graduation!

I'm still in love with the fact that I got to skip the "9 Weeks" post.
That news we got on Monday about being a week ahead of what we though totally put a smile on my face.
What's ALSO putting a smile on my face this week is this belly:

What used to be flat is now suddenly VERY pokey-outey. And while I'm aware it's mostly my stomach, and NOT the twins (who are about 1 1/4 inches long today), that is causing the pop, it's still a welcome change. I'm totally okay turning in my "hard-as-a-rock" stomach for a baby bump.

Bring On The Belly!!!

I also read that the twins graduated from embryos to fetuses today.
HOORAY!
They now have most of their organs, as well as finger nails and peach fuzz on their skin. Their heads are uber buldgy, but they are more or less little people now. And I think that rocks.

So congrats, you guys! You made it past the "gob of cells" phase to become little humans!

Now keep up the good work, and make mamma proud!

Ultrasound And Good News!

Well, we had our 8w5d ultrasound today...or so we thought.

While the ultrasound tech was getting a good look at our littlins, she asked how far along I was.

Turns out, we were a week off!

Instead of being 8w5d, I'm 9w5d!!!!!

BOO-YAH

How awesome is that? I'm almost at 10 weeks, which explains the growing belly (pics coming on Wednesday) AND the sudden decrease in nausea I've been experiencing over the past 3 days (knock on wood).

It ALSO means that in 2 weeks and 2 days, I'll be in my second trimester.

Holy Crap! That's FANTASTIC (uhhh, where did the time go?!?)!

The ultrasound itself was also very cool. The twins are right on track, and now they're bopping around and waving their arms and legs. I can't feel the movement yet, but they sure hamed it up for the ultrasound.

These pics aren't the best of what we saw, but whatever. It'll do:

Here's the first pic of them together. Doesn't look like much, but trust me, it's A LOT.

Here's baby #1 (I know...its a pic only a mother could love):

And here's baby #2...looking very...uh...creepy: It's amazing to think that a few weeks ago, these babies were just little sacks of cells, and now they have arms and legs and organs and muscles. Their hearts are pumping. They're breathing. They're moving. I know I've said it before, but the miracle of life is really just that...a miracle. Unfortunately, these little miracles are making me hungry as hell and exhausted to boot. Time to eat a sandwich and take a nap...again!

8 Weeks (Pics Galore!!)

I hit 8 weeks today.

And if I may say so myself....HOO-FREAKIN-RAY!!!

I've read repeatedly that most miscarriages occur in the first 8 weeks, so once you hit this very important milestone, you can breathe a lot easier (but not too hard - you might vomit)

Seriously, I don't think anybody has earned their 8 weeks more than me.

Okay...that's an exaggeration, but for realz, this pregnancy has been tough tough tough on my poor body. The nausea and vomiting are mostly under control, thanks to a new pill named promethazine that knocks me out for approximately 23923573202348326 hours. I take it around 8:00 at night, am out by 9:00, and sleep for about 11 hours before I drag myself from bed. I'm not fully awake until about 4:00, leaving me 4 slightly nauseus hours of awakefulness before I take my next dose.

It's challenging, yes. But I'll take drowsy over nauseus any day of the week!

And speaking of weeks...it's time for the belly shot.

Now, I've been saying all week how my belly is starting to get bigger (and lord knows I've not gained any weight). Well...now we have proof.

Let's review the 6 week shot first:

There I am, all slim and trim.

Now...the 8 week shot:

Holy Fat-Ass, Batman!

I know the camera is zoomed in more for this shot, but still...the chunkyness is evident, no? It's weird...I have mixed reactions about getting bigger. I'm mostly thrilled and enjoying my new body, but I have occasional bouts of worry: Will Brian still like me when I'm fat? Will I ever get my figure back?

Yanno...the usual X chromosome stuff.

Of course, like it or not...HERE THEY COME. 7 months from now, I'll be the first hippopotamus to ever be spotted in the wilds of NJ.

Moving on...

I'm FINALLY posting my 7w2d ultrasound pic.

Better late than never, right?

There they are, in all their gummy-bear glory (look at the guy on the right - you know what I'm talking about). The ultrasound tech said mine are way cuter than the ones she looked at earlier in the day, and although I'm sure she was just pandering to my ultra-sensitive ego, I'll take the compliment. They ARE kind of cute...in an Alien vs. Predator kind of way.

But more importantly...they're healthy. They're viable. And it's looking more and more like we''ll be a family of 4 by Thanksgiving.

Holy crap, guys. I'm gonna be a MOM!!!!!!!

Epic Travel FAIL

Well, as if I didn't hate Dallas already, I had a trip there that was one for the record books.

...that is...

if they have a record for "most times vomiting while traveling" category.

Funny story - it would appear that Zofran is no match for pregnancy-associated morning sickness. I threw up on planes. I threw up in cabs (well, OUTSIDE of cabs). I threw up in hotel bathrooms and conference restrooms.

It was epic. It would have been funny, had I not been too busy vomiting to laugh.

I returned from Dallas dehydrated, pale, and just shy of dead. I slept all day Sunday and Monday, and am only now considering leaving the house.

So there will be no more traveling for me. I don't think I could survive another trip, to be honest with you.

Lesson learned, and all that.

In other news, my 7w2d ultrasound was fabulous! They now have arms and legs and eyes and brains and all kinds of cool little human-type parts. They're wonderfully healthy and growing on schedule. The office APN said it looks like the twins are viable, which was probably the best news I heard since becoming pregnant!

So we're on for using the second bedroom as a nursery.

Which means that eventually we'll need to expand because we are 1 bedroom shy of a 2-child household (god, I can't believe we're going to be a 2-child household by Thanksgiving!).

In short...other than the life-sucking nausea, things are all good.

Stay tuned for week 8 belly pics tomorrow (if I can find the *&$%*& camera charger)...I'm almost positive I'm starting to show.

*let's have a moment of silence for my pre-pregnancy figure, shall we?

7 weeks (and 1 day)

Well, I'm at 7 weeks (and 1 day - whoops), but I don't have a pic. My camera died and I can't find the charger (read: I'm too nauseus, tired, and behind in my work to even deal with it).

Which is a shame, because my mother saw me yesterday, put her hand on my belly, and was like "woah, you're all buldging out!!!!"

Can it be? Can someone show at 7 weeks? I know there are women who look 5 months pregnant at 7 weeks, but they've typically had 23924375203122392 children (with a large helping of fat on top). Could I be showing because my stomach is typically flat, so any bump is super obvious? Could I be showing because I'm having twins? Could I be just getting fat? (the latter is unlikely, having lost at least 5 lbs to morning sickness).

So now I'm obsessed with my belly. I don't know if I'm rubbing the twins, or the ravioli I had for dinner, but I'd like to at least pretend I'm sporting a baby bump. Maybe I'll find my camera charger for my 8 week pics, and we'll be able to see the difference.

Have our 7w2d ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow. I'm super excited to see the babies and make sure they're still okay! I had a strange and sudden stoppage of all morning sickness yesterday, which freaked me out. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I threw up last night and feel queasy today (although not queasy enough to take my Zofran, which I am hoarding), so I guess things are back on track.

Hooray :-/

Pics of the ultrasound will be posted next week - I'm flying to Dallas tomorrow afternoon for work and will return Saturday night. Then I'm supposed to help the kids at a horse show on Sunday, but we'll see - I'm certainly not about to overdo it and risk the twins for this shiz.

Stay tuned for pics!

Zofran to the Rescue!

[Editor's note: The formatting of this blog has gone to shit. This is the second post in a row that has presented itself online as a single run-on sentence. Because I'm pregnant and stabby, I'm saying "F this shit" and letting it stand as is. Your welcome (somebody make me a sandwich)] Now, I was warned that twins can cause twice the morning sickness. And I was fully prepared to spend a bit of time worshiping the porcelain god. However, what I was NOT prepared for was unrelenting nausea 24 hours a day, 7 days a week such that working or even sitting up for more than 5 minutes was a near-impossible feat. Dear kids I know we haven't formally met yet, but I wanted to state for the record that as soon as you're born, you are grounded for making mommy so sick she lost 5 lbs in 4 days. Seriously, I was on the verge of tears last night when I realized that I had spent the last few days either in bed or on the couch, and that work was piling up, and that I had committed to a job in Dallas on Friday which I might have to cancel, causing my client to surely FLIP THEIR SHIT and never hire me again. I mean, I now kids can do a lot of damage, but I never thought they'd get me fired before they were even born! So I dragged (literally...dragged) myself in to the doctor's office this morning feeling (and looking) like death warmed over. The nurse took one look at me and had the office APN send over a prescription for Zofran faster than you can say "where is the restroom, I'm gonna be sick". The minute the pharmacist handed over the bag, I had a tablet under my tongue, and by god, if I didn't feel about 80% better by the time I had gotten home. It's like a miracle! I'm sitting here, NOT dying and NOT feeling like I'm about to throw up! I feel like I'm running through a field of poppies or some shit. Amazing. So to the makers of Zofran, I'd like to say that I love you and I'll be sending you a muffin basket. And to my future children, I'd like to say....nothing. Because they're on a serious time out.

6 Weeks

So here's my 6 week belly shot:

Of course, there's no difference from last week. Any "bump" you might see is from the tea and crackers I had this morning (which I promptly threw up after taking this photo). I don't expect to see a difference any time soon. So why am I taking pictures? I dunno. Maybe to pass the time and celebrate being another week closer to being OUT of the danger zone (aka, the first trimester). Week 6 feels great, because I'm half way there. So I take a picture, do a little dance, and then hurl and go lay down for the next 6 hours because these little aliens are sucking the life out of me.

In a good way.

But am I really only at week 6? The "aging" of this pregnancy has been a thorn in my side, only because most pregnancies are dated from the last known menstrual cycle. The explanation is that there's no way to actually know when conception actually happened, because everyone ovulates differently. And I'm all, uuuhhh, I know EXACTLY when it happened. Half the staff of my fertility clinic witnessed it.

bow-chicka-bow-wow

But when I type in my due date into these pregnancy calendars and such, they tell me I'm at 7 weeks today... Which sounds even better than 6 weeks, so I'm all for it.

Will it matter when I'm at 30/31 weeks? Not at all. But in the early stages, a week makes a BIG difference, so it's kind of confusing.

Regardless...

Today, according to my doctor, I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I'm half way through the first trimester!

HOORAY!

Heartbeat x 2

2 heartbeats were shown on the monitor today. 2 lovely, beautiful, amazing heartbeats.

At 5 weeks and 5 days, I though it would probably be too early to see a heartbeat. Especially with twins, who apparently tend to grow a bit slower.

So you can imagine how off-guard I was caught when the ultrasound tech pointed out the rapidly fluctuating dot on the screen. "There's one heartbeat," she said. And before I could even absorb what that meant, she went on..."And there's the other"

Amazing.

I am beyond grateful, and I am beyond humbled at the miracle of life. 10 days ago, I had a lima bean and a blob. 10 days later, I have two little people - complete with working hearts - growing inside me.

We're not out of the woods yet. Not by a long shot. But today, I saw 2 heartbeats on the monitor. Today, I saw life within me.

If that's not a miracle...I don't know what is.

*Note: This post was meant for Monday the 28th, but blogger was having editing issues. Today was not nearly as exciting as yesterday, when I wrote this post. I mostly napped.

Pregnancy symptoms and Blob Pictures

I would like to state for the record that I'm STILL crying at everything. For example, the video of the wedding procession dancing to Forever by Chris Brown (which I've seen at least half a dozen times before) just made me cry. For realz.

I would also like to officially rescind the "hooray, life is great, I'm not nauseus at all" statements. While life is still great, that greatness is now coming with a side of morning sickness. This is the third day in a row that I woke up queasy. Luckily, so far, it's nothing a little crackers and mint tea can't handle. But I'm only at 5 weeks and 2 days (or 5w2d, as the acronym-obsessed women on my November 2011 babies chat board would say), which suggests that the nausea will get worse before it gets better.

In other news, I have another ultrasound coming up on Monday. So I figured I'd better post my other blob pics before I get ahold of this new one. Unfortunately, I had to do it all ghetto-style and takes pics of the pics rather than scan them because I live in 1867. Regardless, observe:

3 days

I love this picture (as you can see by the well-worn fold marks in the paper. I am seriously about to love this picture in half if I don't get it in a scrap book asap). I mean - how many parents can say they have pictures of their chitlins when they were 3 days old. That's crazy, man! Crazy!

4 weeks

I also love this picture because its the first ultrasound of our kids. However, I'm not entirely convinced that the blob on the right isn't an lima bean that I swallowed whole and somehow made its way to my uterus. Still, I can only assume that the ultrasound technician knows what she's doing. If she says its a baby and not a legume, then I guess I'll have to take her word for it.

So other than the nausea, we're still truckin' along. Monday's bloodwork was fine, and I'm hoping for an equally uneventful lab report from today's sample.

And now it's back to the couch for me. I'm kind of burpy and green around the gills. Not to mention tired, because I've been up for a whopping 2.5 hours.

Man, it's a tough life.

5 Weeks

So it occurred to me that I need to document a critical aspect of any pregnancy:

The belly.

I've always been a pretty slim person, so the development of a belly large enough for not one but TWO little meatloaves will probably be pretty significant. Plus, after having twins, I'll need proof that at some point I had a nice figure, because that nice figure will probably be gone for good.

Thus, I present to you the week 5 belly picture:

I have no idea when I'll start to show. From my scientific interwebz research, it would appear that I could start showing any time between week 6 and week 14 (give or take). But either way, the flat tummy is going by the wayside, so I guess I should just enjoy it before it disappears forever.

However..
There is part of me that is wishing for that bump. At only (only!) week 5, I am fully aware of how tenuous this pregnancy still is. I know I should be celebrating my figure and lack of pregnancy symptoms while I can, but all I can think about is how EARLY in the pregnancy I really am, and how MUCH could go wrong. It's terrifying. I count down each agonizingly slow day, getting one day closer to the NEXT week of pregnancy, where my chances of miscarriage go down a teeny bit more.

But I suppose worrying is what motherhood is all about. In a way, the worries of pregnancy prepare us for the ceaseless worrying of being a parent.

It's okay. I'm fully capable of managing my worry, and I'm fully capable of being patient as these two little beans grow into (hopefully) two little people.
Still...
A time machine would be AWESOME right about now.

Lessons Learned Over Week 4

There are a lot of things you shouldn't do when you're pregnant. You shouldn't drink coffee or eat too much seafood. You shouldn't touch pesticides or breathe too much air freshener. You should avoid gas stations and wash your hands thoroughly after gardening. And the lunchmeat, people. For the love of god, don't forget to microwave your lunchmeat.

This should not come as much of a surprise to anyone who has been pregnant (although my mother confesses that when she was pregnant with my sister, the only thing her doctor told her to do was "take it easy" on the alcohol. My how times have changed). However, there are some things a pregnant woman shouldn't do that won't be found on any internet page or in any pregnancy book.

For example, one should not watch Little Women while pregnant. Nobody warned me of the uncontrollable, hysterical sobbing that would occur when Beth died, causing my husband to come running to the bedroom to figure out what was wrong. I was completely inconsolable for a good 10 minutes, causing my husband and myself to both wonder if I had indeed lost my mind. In fact, it would appear that pregnant women should avoid television alltogether, lest one put herself at risk of instant waterworks at the first sappy Hallmark commerical.

A pregnant woman should also not plan on having a life, at least in the first trimester (I'll get back to you on the other two trimesters). Being nearly at week 5, I happily confess that the only real symptom of pregnancy that I've experienced thus far is fatigue. But the fatigue has hit fast and hard, causing the most trivial task to feel like a marathon event. This week, I have done little that has not involved the couch and the television (exposing me to the aforementioned risk of emotional instability at the hands of the Lifetime channel). I went to the grocery store yesterday and returned so utterly exhausted that I spent the next 45 minutes prone on my back, listlessly watching my husband play some sort of Wii baseball-type thingie. And although the classic nausea has not yet reared its ugly head, I have been assured that twins typically bring twice the morning sickness, and I should plan on spending a significant amount of quality time with the toilet bowel around weeks 6 through 12 (one week left 'till that gem of a symptom starts). If my life was minimal this week, it will be nonexistant shortly. Awesome.

It is also important that pregnant women avoid board games at all costs, especially if they are poor losers with a history of tantrums involving "Chutes and Ladders." I am not exactly a good sport when it comes to board games, but the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy has removed any patience and good nature I might have had left when it comes to these types of activities. I have been banned from all board games in our house. It's probably for the best.

Other than that, week 4 has been nice. Full of napping and fruit and putting my feet up. I am continuously grateful that I don't have a 9-5-type office job, where my weeks would probably be spent in a state of utter exhaustion with no respite save a lunch-hour nap. To be honest, I have no idea how women do this with jobs and - god forbid - other young children to manage.
Indeed, my hat goes off to them.

Fortunately, my situation is different, and I can rest when and for as long as I want.
People have asked me, are you fatigued at all?
And to them I have replied, well, not really, because I'm sleeping all the time.

It's a good thing :-)

Secrecy, or Lack Thereof

It's hard to keep an IVF pregnancy a secret, because it's hard to keep IVF a secret.

When you're undergoing IVF, or any other artificial-type baby-making process, it totally and utterly consumes you. The emotional and physical battles you're facing are tremendous. You eat, drink, sleep, and breathe conception. You feel like shit from the hormones, which leave you not only emotionally unstable (which was to be exptected), but also fatigued, achy, and generally run-down (which was less expected and even less well recieved). While prepping for IVF, you're giving yourself multiple injections a day, making you feel less like a person and more like a walking, talking pincushion. You're in the office constantly for vaginal ultrasounds and bloodwork. The procedure severely limits your activity (sexual or otherwise) for weeks on end. In other words, people want to know why you can't lift that gallon of milk.

So when anyone inquires about your general well-being during this time, it is the hardest thing in the world to slap a smile on your face and say, "oh, fine, how about you?" It's the elephant in the room. Given your emotional and physical fatigue, you're a lot more likely to just simply tell the truth. "Well, not so great. I'm undergoing IVF and I feel like my life is over."

Or, at least, it was like that for me.
I'm not a secretive person. I find that it's absolutey exhausting to keep a secret about myself, partially because I'm just too lazy to come up with a plausable lie, but mostly because I just don't care who knows about my problems. Despite the stigma that comes along with infertility (we just don't talk about it), I'm an open book. I'm tired, I'm emotionally charged, and if someone wants to know how I'm feeling, I'll tell them. It's just that simple.

The problem is that everyone who knows about your IVF also knows that you'll be getting news (good or bad) shortly thereafter. And anyone who knows about your IVF will also be expecting an answer at some point. "I'd rather not talk about it" is just not going to cut it.

So you have your family, a close circle of friends, and a less close circle of individuals who know about your IVF (the latter likely due to a slip of the tongue and a little gossip). Thus, they know that you know the outcome of this procedure in the next two weeks. Those with self-restraint won't ask, but most are dying to know. They mean well - they genuinely care about you and are hoping for the best - but their curiosity is there, nonetheless.

So although I'm only in my 4th week of pregnancy, more people know about it than you would expect. Again, this is okay, because I'm not a secretive person. But in the back of my mind, there is that horrible, terrible potential for having to "un-tell" all these people if something goes wrong.

If I could do it all over, would I keep the whole process of IVF a secret? Well, now I know it actually worked, I'd probably try.

But on the other hand...this is a wonderful, wonderful problem to have :-)

4 Weeks

Today, I'm 4 weeks pregnant.
And as of today, I'm having twins.

But let me back up...

2 years ago to this month, my husband and I started trying for a baby. Granted, he wasn't my husband at the time, but hey, it's 2011, yanno?!?

At first we giggled. I mean, who in their right mind plans a shotgun wedding?

And then, we pondered. Hmmm. 6 months later...married...still no bun in the oven.

Next? We worried. 11 months of dedicated "trying". Extremely satisfying but still...no bambino.

After that we were diagnosed. Idiopathic infertility. A poor seamen sample here. A slightly "weird" glucose response there. Despite the fact that we've always been healthy. Despite the fact that I was far from "old" in terms of baby making. Despite the fact that we've always eaten right and exercised while the gluttons around us were downing wings and french fries by the truck-load. (Strangely, those "gluttons" were all getting pregnant around this time - a cruel irony to say the least)

The following months were worse. 2 failed IUIs (intra-uterine insemination for those who aren't fluent in infertility-talk, and yes, it's as romantic as it sounds). A failed IVF cycle, in which the words "poor egg quality" were repeated over and over again in my mind as I tried to sleep, heartbroken and facing a life of childlessness.

The holidays came and went. Our second since trying to conceive. Adoption was researched and to my horror, required more money, time, and effort than completing graduate school. A nightmare, to say the least.

And then...

A second round of IVF. We won't get our hopes up, we decided. After all, it had failed once. Why would it work now?

But it worked.
Weird cramps.
A sudden disinterest in coffee.
Ginormous breasts (which I think everyone in this house agrees is a rockin' symptom of pregnancy).
A home pregnancy test (Cheating, according to my reproductive endocrinologist, who had scheduled me for bloodwork the following day).
A blue line. That simple, beautiful, wonderous blue line that eluded me 24 times in a row.

And today, I'm 4 weeks pregnant, with twins, and quite possibily the most blissful mom-to-be in the world (or at least, the tri-state area).

And so I'm blogging through this journey. Because blogging is what I do. I have other blogs. Funny blogs. Zany blogs. But this blog? Is just for me. No entertaining the masses, this time. No cracking jokes to gain readers. Just pure, simple, pregnancy and the pure, simple joy that comes with it.

Today, I am 4 weeks pregnant.
Today, I am a new woman.